by Kelly Clay
Music festivals, eh? It used to be that you could grab a pair of wellies from your mum’s garage, fashion a poncho from a bin bag and people wouldn’t blink twice at your summer ensemble. Now that Instagram photos dominate the newspapers with their soft-hued visions of celebrities cavorting in fields, you are encouraged, nay expected, to look your twinkling, fashion-forward best at all times. But the celebs don’t always get it right – here are six examples of festival fashion nightmares to comfort you when you’re trying to pull off a classic Alexa Chung look while camping next to a seeping Portaloo.
This is not you. And that’s okay.
Let’s start with the aforementioned Delevingne. The model of the moment is adept at keeping her millions of Instagram and Twitter fans happy with images of her larking about with her famous mates, pulling faces and generally being as relatable as a supermodel born into the aristocracy can possibly be. However, this outfit is a classic misstep. Though the sparkly rainbow sequinned cape is top festival wear, the decision to pull a stone-cold Doctor Zaius is questionable because Delevingne’s mask completely obscures her eyes, face and profitable eyebrows. Nobody could fail to spot a 6-foot monkey woman, but what’s the point of being attention-seeking if nobody can see who you are?
Where to even start with this image. Let’s ignore Rita Ora and the suckling and focus on the lycra catsuit. As the appointed face of Ekat, it’s little wonder that aristo model Mary Chateris instagrammed herself in one of their leotards. However, any fashion choice that requires you to strip naked every time you need the loo, needs rethinking. Yeah, you might look hot but you’ll also miss FKA Twigs and smell like burnt rubber bands. Good luck with that.
Come on now, Rita. You’re dressed like a Vegas pensioner and you don’t even care, do you. We sort of respect that.
Jared Leto & Brooklyn Beckham
Now before we jump all over Jared Leto, let’s just applaud him for trying. At least he’s going for a Bambi-does-Iggy-Pop kind of vibe. Contrast him with Brooklyn Beckham who can’t even be bothered. We applaud a style decision, even a bad one, over an outfit that whispers sidelined at Sports Day.
As you might expect, Kendall looks rocking in a yellow bikini and maxi skirt, but it’s so important, especially at this time of year, to never accessorise with Bieber. Count this both fashion and life advice.
So what’s the take-away here? Well, as far as festival fashion’s concerned, as long as you can dance and urinate with ease, anything goes (though ideally, dancing and peeing will be separate activities). You really can wear that bin-bag as long as you slap a flattering filter on your photos; just don’t forget that there’s also some music happening, okay?